Being the Other Woman Is Not Worth It

Alison Sparks
2 min readOct 4, 2022
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.

I still remember my younger years when I didn’t care much about being the other woman. Or, should I say, the other girl? I first ended up in one of those messy situations at just fifteen. Then again at eighteen. I was so thirsty for affection that I didn’t care if the guy I was messing with was taken.

Now, at almost twenty-four, I want to say that being the other woman is not worth it. Hell, sometimes even being the only woman to someone is not worth it. But that’s not what I’m aiming to write about today.

There are a couple of reasons that brought me to this conclusion. First, I deserve more than just someone else’s scraps and someone’s leftover time and affection. I deserve more than to be someone’s second choice or naughty, little secret. Second, what does this situation say about the man involved in it? That maybe he is a coward who can’t break up with his girlfriend before starting to see someone else, or simply wants to have the cake and eat it too. Either way — not the type of person I want to be associated with. Third — getting out of this situation unscathed is impossible. I can either walk away with guilt of knowing something that his girlfriend doesn’t, or I can try to ‘do the right thing’ by telling her, blow up the whole relationship and/or simply make them both hate my guts. There is no right way out. Just a less dramatic one.

What I have accepted from my potential partners and actual partners until now has been directly linked to my perception of self. I thought that I only got what I deserved, and anything seemed better than being alone and facing my demons. I run from my own truth for so long because the knee-jerk reaction was always finding someone new to distract me. But now I’ve entered the period in my life when I’m finally facing the truth. Do I feel ready? No. Is it comfortable? Not at all. But it has to be done. I can’t keep running from myself and to someone who numbs the pain forever. It’s time for a change.

So, to the younger me who tolerated being in the second place — you deserve much better. You always have. A guy who’s tricked two or more women in his life to be in this situation is a pathetic coward, not a winner of some sort. One day you’ll realize that quality and longevity matters way more than short-term distractions who only seem exciting at the first glance.

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Alison Sparks

Just a writer, sharing my musings on sex, sexuality, sex work, mental health and LGBTQ+ topics.